Tales from the Road
What a great time we had in Cleveland, OH!
We arrived late Sunday night, grabbed a car and headed to the hotel. Much to our pleasure, there was a sports bar right across the street. Slam Jams served up some outstanding burgers. Being a Southern-raised boy, however, I wanted to dip my Texas Toothpicks in some ranch dressing. Well, Y'all mid-westerners don't understand this ritual and Slam Jams only had ranch in a plastic packet for salads and it was probably the worst I'd ever had. Forgiven. Michelle was a cutie and smelled GREAT. She gave us the rundown for the week: Karaoke Tuesdays, big party Thursdays, and she was working M, W, Th, F.
Monday was our first day of training. Went smooth. No major stress. After class/work, we went on search of a computer geek store for my colleague. Right next to the Circuit City was a Ruby Tuesday's. My colleague picked up his rack of ribs and the bones literally slid right out. MMMmmmm. Up the road a bit was a Wal-Mart. It wouldn't be a trip of 4 rednecks if we didn't swang by The Wal-Mart. They had some good sales on rifles and shotguns. The air-compressor we were told was on sale was sold out. Dang.
Tuesday brought the first of the technical learning. Next to Slam Jams was a Hunan. General Tso was on top of his game. He had three embattlements to take on, Mild, Medium, and Hot. Well, duh, I charged the Hot camp. I lost a few good men, but achieved victory. Even managed to take a few POWs back to the hotel for later interrogation. Unfortunately, there was not a suitable holding pen and they were released into the wild. After the Chinese, we decided to see what Ohio'ns called Karaoke. It was not bad. Not as busy as down here, but nice. The beer was WELL deserved after that long day of work. Little did we know how hard it was going to get. We stayed long into the night chatting about work. It was then that I realized that every woman in that place had ALL HER TEETH! I was sure I was in Heaven.
Wednesday night we found yet another close restaurant, the Longhorn Steakhouse--home of the best hard lemonade we'd ever tasted. The big shocker of the night: they had SWEET TEA! All of the waitresses were hot. We got the one gay dude. I was one more smile away from giving the guy $5 to let one of the chicks wait on us. We wandered back over to Slam Jams to patronize Michelle. We couldn't find her, so we sat at the bar. Two rounds of beer later, she wanders up to us and expressed disappointment for not sitting in her section. We told her we'd be back Thursday. She said she was not going to make it in because she had an interview. Where? We asked. "Crazyhorse" she replied, "a strip club on Miles St. Waitressing job." So, we got directions to the Crazyhorse Gentlemen's club.
Thursday we all made joking comments about hitting the titty-bar but settled on Slam Jams for dinner. They DID have the best burgers in the area. Our waitress was dumb as a rock. Gave us food we didn't order and then charged us for it. Gave our credit card slip to the table next to us and vice versa. So we said screw it, let's go see some titties!
Once we found Crazyhorse, it was all good. This place was high-class. The bouncers were all 6'-8" but wore tuxes. It was nice. I didn't spend too much, but I did eventually get to meet Naomi. I'd seen her all night, but she was ALWAYS with someone. Halfway through the night, Marissa and Vanessa came and sat with us and fell in love with us for our accents and because we were the nicest guys in here. Apparently midwestern men are assholes in topless bars. After a few minutes alone with Vanessa, I asked her to ask Naomi to come hang with us. She went and told her we were interested. She came and talked with us for a couple of songs. She and I had chemistry right away. Yeah yeah, it's a stripper and she's working for money, but I don't care. We had some great chemistry and talked about all kinds of stuff. In fact, SHE was the one who used the word "chemistry." Normally you aren't allowed to touch the girls. She and I sat there holding hands, my arm around her, even kissed each other on the cheek a few times. *sigh* I'll miss her!
Friday the 13th I have enough anxiety with flying I didn't need to think about the fact that I'm flying home on Ft13. The day started off with a test covering what we learned that week. I scored a 100%! I'm so damn smart! We packed our bags. After last night, the guys were anxious to get home and get laid! We drove into Cleveland, had some Crackerbarrel, filled up the rental car and checked in at the airport. I told the guys bon voyage and I went out on the street where Jax was waiting. We went to Max & Erma's for a snack. She brought her precious angel along. We had some good conversation about blogging, how we met everyone, how we got started. Baby-girl started getting restless, so we hopped in the car and circled the airport listening to music and talking about it. Jax, you got my CD ready yet?
Of course it wouldn't be a trip to Ohio without a tailgate party
My next trip is to the Philly area. I don't think I have any blogger buddies out there, but if you are and you want to have dinner/lunch with a Hitman, let me know!
We arrived late Sunday night, grabbed a car and headed to the hotel. Much to our pleasure, there was a sports bar right across the street. Slam Jams served up some outstanding burgers. Being a Southern-raised boy, however, I wanted to dip my Texas Toothpicks in some ranch dressing. Well, Y'all mid-westerners don't understand this ritual and Slam Jams only had ranch in a plastic packet for salads and it was probably the worst I'd ever had. Forgiven. Michelle was a cutie and smelled GREAT. She gave us the rundown for the week: Karaoke Tuesdays, big party Thursdays, and she was working M, W, Th, F.
Monday was our first day of training. Went smooth. No major stress. After class/work, we went on search of a computer geek store for my colleague. Right next to the Circuit City was a Ruby Tuesday's. My colleague picked up his rack of ribs and the bones literally slid right out. MMMmmmm. Up the road a bit was a Wal-Mart. It wouldn't be a trip of 4 rednecks if we didn't swang by The Wal-Mart. They had some good sales on rifles and shotguns. The air-compressor we were told was on sale was sold out. Dang.
Tuesday brought the first of the technical learning. Next to Slam Jams was a Hunan. General Tso was on top of his game. He had three embattlements to take on, Mild, Medium, and Hot. Well, duh, I charged the Hot camp. I lost a few good men, but achieved victory. Even managed to take a few POWs back to the hotel for later interrogation. Unfortunately, there was not a suitable holding pen and they were released into the wild. After the Chinese, we decided to see what Ohio'ns called Karaoke. It was not bad. Not as busy as down here, but nice. The beer was WELL deserved after that long day of work. Little did we know how hard it was going to get. We stayed long into the night chatting about work. It was then that I realized that every woman in that place had ALL HER TEETH! I was sure I was in Heaven.
Wednesday night we found yet another close restaurant, the Longhorn Steakhouse--home of the best hard lemonade we'd ever tasted. The big shocker of the night: they had SWEET TEA! All of the waitresses were hot. We got the one gay dude. I was one more smile away from giving the guy $5 to let one of the chicks wait on us. We wandered back over to Slam Jams to patronize Michelle. We couldn't find her, so we sat at the bar. Two rounds of beer later, she wanders up to us and expressed disappointment for not sitting in her section. We told her we'd be back Thursday. She said she was not going to make it in because she had an interview. Where? We asked. "Crazyhorse" she replied, "a strip club on Miles St. Waitressing job." So, we got directions to the Crazyhorse Gentlemen's club.
Thursday we all made joking comments about hitting the titty-bar but settled on Slam Jams for dinner. They DID have the best burgers in the area. Our waitress was dumb as a rock. Gave us food we didn't order and then charged us for it. Gave our credit card slip to the table next to us and vice versa. So we said screw it, let's go see some titties!
Once we found Crazyhorse, it was all good. This place was high-class. The bouncers were all 6'-8" but wore tuxes. It was nice. I didn't spend too much, but I did eventually get to meet Naomi. I'd seen her all night, but she was ALWAYS with someone. Halfway through the night, Marissa and Vanessa came and sat with us and fell in love with us for our accents and because we were the nicest guys in here. Apparently midwestern men are assholes in topless bars. After a few minutes alone with Vanessa, I asked her to ask Naomi to come hang with us. She went and told her we were interested. She came and talked with us for a couple of songs. She and I had chemistry right away. Yeah yeah, it's a stripper and she's working for money, but I don't care. We had some great chemistry and talked about all kinds of stuff. In fact, SHE was the one who used the word "chemistry." Normally you aren't allowed to touch the girls. She and I sat there holding hands, my arm around her, even kissed each other on the cheek a few times. *sigh* I'll miss her!
Friday the 13th I have enough anxiety with flying I didn't need to think about the fact that I'm flying home on Ft13. The day started off with a test covering what we learned that week. I scored a 100%! I'm so damn smart! We packed our bags. After last night, the guys were anxious to get home and get laid! We drove into Cleveland, had some Crackerbarrel, filled up the rental car and checked in at the airport. I told the guys bon voyage and I went out on the street where Jax was waiting. We went to Max & Erma's for a snack. She brought her precious angel along. We had some good conversation about blogging, how we met everyone, how we got started. Baby-girl started getting restless, so we hopped in the car and circled the airport listening to music and talking about it. Jax, you got my CD ready yet?
Of course it wouldn't be a trip to Ohio without a tailgate party
My next trip is to the Philly area. I don't think I have any blogger buddies out there, but if you are and you want to have dinner/lunch with a Hitman, let me know!
posted by John at 10:50 AM
4 Comments:
Okay, I have to ask: While you were talking to Naomi, was she topless? And if so, was it difficult to keep eye-contact (or not required, or whatever)? I know on nude beaches there is a certain ettiquette, but the only way I'd ever be able to pull that one off (no pun intended) is to walk around without my contact lenses. Then, everything looks blurry.
I'm sorry if this is a naive question. I've not been to a topless bar, and don't know what they're like except for in the movies.
I've only been to two topless bars. In both, when the women weren't on stage, they were scantily clad, but covered up. After a private lap dance, they would get dressed again pretty quick. Naomi had a unique outfit. A real low-slung loose top that really flattered her chest. Most of the other girls wore tight-fitting one-piece dresses. Naomi's was one-piece, but more of just a long top than a dress.
So, while we were sitting chatting with Naomi, Vanessa, Marrissa, and Alanna, they were dressed and it was not a problem at all.
I have to admit, I'd have a terrible time keeping eye contact in a strip club. Maybe that's why my husband won't take me. *snort*
Glad you had a good time. I'm missing the "north" so much, now. We're trying to save a few bucks to visit MI again, this summer. Perhaps some OH buddies could come a tad west if I could come a tad east and meet up for coffee or lunch or something? J, any plans to hit OH again in the summer? Jax, Nonny, interested? Lady H, you could maybe talk the Lord into taking you up for a few days?
Like it would be that hard to make Lord Hearteater take a trip to MI?!!
Birdy, I assure you I would have trouble keeping eye-contact with you ;)
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