American Music Awards
I wish I'd taken notes. I had so much to say about that terrible demonstration of music last night.
First off: The awards pretty much went to the right people...pretty much.
The show opened with Mariah Carey attempting to sing. She came out in a dress that was not appropriate for singing on stage. It was slit up to her ass...and then further. She walked like she had a corncob up it, too. Oh, and it has been a while since she's been popular, but wasn't she black? She uses her arm to sing. Now, I'm no vocal major, but voice comes from the throat not the arm, right? She looked like she was riding a wild bull....I shouted "8 seconds, Mariah, ride that bitch!" to the TV. She also does that nasty throw-up sounding "uuuhhhahhhhuhhh" in the back of her throat. At one point, I almost lost my dinner.
Then, she wins the first award of the night. She comes out in another slutty dress and proceedes to apologize for her performance and blamed it on the fact that her monitors weren't working and her dress wasn't sewn up yet. Dude...you were the FIRST ACT. You had ALL DAY to get your shit straight...plus the sound check and dress rehearsal.
None of the country singers disappointed me. Country is a genre I typically miss out on. Too many of the stereotypical "My baby threw my favorite beer bottle out the window and I can't sleep tonight" type shit. But, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Gretchen Wilson, and the other couple that were there and performed/won/were nominated and I got to see 6 seconds of video were all right by me. The first cross-genre award of the evening went to a Country singer.
Will Smith was only nominated for one award. I hate that. If you haven't listened to his latest album...go get it. You can Download it at Wal-mart.com for $9.88 or you can get it song at a time for $0.88 apiece. Better than iTunes or Napster! It is full of powerful, emotional lyrics and some great beats.
Same goes for Black-Eyed Peas. They got an award. Their last two albums were off the chain. If you like "My Humps" then you have GOT to hear track 10 off that same disc. I think it is called "They don't want music." It is a pop, soul, FUNK song that has a bass beat that rattles my rear-view mirrors. Think, James Brown in the year 2004.
Carlos Santana did a duet with Los Lonely Boys. Santana can play the SHIT out of some guitar. He made ME wet.
Lindsey Lohan sang like two lines of her "Daughter to Father" shit and then covered a great tune...and RUINED it. I can remember the chorus, but not the name..."Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she's singing, oooh oooh, baby, ooh" Lindsey was wearing some maternity dress looking shit and she danced like she was on crack. Oh, and she was off pitch most of the song. "Edge of Seventeen" - written by Stevie Nicks..thanks Google.
Hillary Duff lip sync'd "beat of my heart" it made me fart. It is such a damn repetitive song and has NO point. She, too, danced like a crack whore. Her back-up dancers were the most HILARIOUS. Some new-age choreographer fresh outta dance school must've been REALLY geeked up about that dance routine.
"You'll think of me" was performed BEAUTIFULLY by Keith Urban on acoustic guitar.
Tim McGraw did his latest hit, "Real Good Man." Different. But good.
Cindi Lauper teamed up with Sarah McLachlan to perform "Time After Time." Cindi played a lap dulcimer. It was just a bit out of tune with the guitar, but bearable. It was a nice performance, but Cindi seemed a bit strung out.
One of MY favorites, The Eurhythmics, got together to sing a couple tunes including "Sweet Dreams." It was HOT. I LOVE that song. It took me back.
There was a hip-hop medley...cuz clearly we couldn't handle the full version of any of these songs. One of them was Bow Wow's "Like U". The second in the medley was the best part. I have NO CLUE who the performer was, but three lines into his song, he stopped and said "Naw, I've done THIS before. Let's try..." and then did a dance number. He wore a black suit with red shirt, red trim on his fedora and red socks. The pants were cut short (sound familiar?). I was expecting him to moonwalk, but he was more respectful than that. He did a back flip instead. It was hot (but not off the chain).
Gwen Stefani got all dressed up just to say "you got it like that" a couple dozen times in some form of accompaniment to Pharrell. They should have chosen someone else. Someone black. Gwen is a great singer (though I hate that she left No Doubt), but she can't do rap, clearly. She needs melodic direction for her voice. You could tell she was uncomfortable last night.
At some point late in the evening, i was distracted by laundry. I only heard part of some boy-band type group just MASSACRING their song. They had NO pitch center and they were out of sync. I just reached up and turned off the tv. After that load was folded, I went into the living room and finished watching.
The Rolling Stones closed out the show live via satellite from Salt Lake City. We were told this would happen early in the show by Lionel Richie's daughter, douchewad stuffy brithces spoil't brat Nicole. If you didn't know she was Lionel's daughter, Cedric the Entertainer had a few cute puns when he tossed it to her "Here's a girl who's once, twice, three times a lady. She's got me dancing on the ceiling. She's got my endless love." and "We'll be hearing from her all night long." Cheesy, but I got it.
It seems that about half the performances were either good or bearable and the other half kept me begging for Cpt. Morgan.
First off: The awards pretty much went to the right people...pretty much.
The show opened with Mariah Carey attempting to sing. She came out in a dress that was not appropriate for singing on stage. It was slit up to her ass...and then further. She walked like she had a corncob up it, too. Oh, and it has been a while since she's been popular, but wasn't she black? She uses her arm to sing. Now, I'm no vocal major, but voice comes from the throat not the arm, right? She looked like she was riding a wild bull....I shouted "8 seconds, Mariah, ride that bitch!" to the TV. She also does that nasty throw-up sounding "uuuhhhahhhhuhhh" in the back of her throat. At one point, I almost lost my dinner.
Then, she wins the first award of the night. She comes out in another slutty dress and proceedes to apologize for her performance and blamed it on the fact that her monitors weren't working and her dress wasn't sewn up yet. Dude...you were the FIRST ACT. You had ALL DAY to get your shit straight...plus the sound check and dress rehearsal.
None of the country singers disappointed me. Country is a genre I typically miss out on. Too many of the stereotypical "My baby threw my favorite beer bottle out the window and I can't sleep tonight" type shit. But, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Gretchen Wilson, and the other couple that were there and performed/won/were nominated and I got to see 6 seconds of video were all right by me. The first cross-genre award of the evening went to a Country singer.
Will Smith was only nominated for one award. I hate that. If you haven't listened to his latest album...go get it. You can Download it at Wal-mart.com for $9.88 or you can get it song at a time for $0.88 apiece. Better than iTunes or Napster! It is full of powerful, emotional lyrics and some great beats.
Same goes for Black-Eyed Peas. They got an award. Their last two albums were off the chain. If you like "My Humps" then you have GOT to hear track 10 off that same disc. I think it is called "They don't want music." It is a pop, soul, FUNK song that has a bass beat that rattles my rear-view mirrors. Think, James Brown in the year 2004.
Carlos Santana did a duet with Los Lonely Boys. Santana can play the SHIT out of some guitar. He made ME wet.
Lindsey Lohan sang like two lines of her "Daughter to Father" shit and then covered a great tune...and RUINED it. I can remember the chorus, but not the name..."Just like the white winged dove, sings a song, sounds like she's singing, oooh oooh, baby, ooh" Lindsey was wearing some maternity dress looking shit and she danced like she was on crack. Oh, and she was off pitch most of the song. "Edge of Seventeen" - written by Stevie Nicks..thanks Google.
Hillary Duff lip sync'd "beat of my heart" it made me fart. It is such a damn repetitive song and has NO point. She, too, danced like a crack whore. Her back-up dancers were the most HILARIOUS. Some new-age choreographer fresh outta dance school must've been REALLY geeked up about that dance routine.
"You'll think of me" was performed BEAUTIFULLY by Keith Urban on acoustic guitar.
Tim McGraw did his latest hit, "Real Good Man." Different. But good.
Cindi Lauper teamed up with Sarah McLachlan to perform "Time After Time." Cindi played a lap dulcimer. It was just a bit out of tune with the guitar, but bearable. It was a nice performance, but Cindi seemed a bit strung out.
One of MY favorites, The Eurhythmics, got together to sing a couple tunes including "Sweet Dreams." It was HOT. I LOVE that song. It took me back.
There was a hip-hop medley...cuz clearly we couldn't handle the full version of any of these songs. One of them was Bow Wow's "Like U". The second in the medley was the best part. I have NO CLUE who the performer was, but three lines into his song, he stopped and said "Naw, I've done THIS before. Let's try..." and then did a dance number. He wore a black suit with red shirt, red trim on his fedora and red socks. The pants were cut short (sound familiar?). I was expecting him to moonwalk, but he was more respectful than that. He did a back flip instead. It was hot (but not off the chain).
Gwen Stefani got all dressed up just to say "you got it like that" a couple dozen times in some form of accompaniment to Pharrell. They should have chosen someone else. Someone black. Gwen is a great singer (though I hate that she left No Doubt), but she can't do rap, clearly. She needs melodic direction for her voice. You could tell she was uncomfortable last night.
At some point late in the evening, i was distracted by laundry. I only heard part of some boy-band type group just MASSACRING their song. They had NO pitch center and they were out of sync. I just reached up and turned off the tv. After that load was folded, I went into the living room and finished watching.
The Rolling Stones closed out the show live via satellite from Salt Lake City. We were told this would happen early in the show by Lionel Richie's daughter, douchewad stuffy brithces spoil't brat Nicole. If you didn't know she was Lionel's daughter, Cedric the Entertainer had a few cute puns when he tossed it to her "Here's a girl who's once, twice, three times a lady. She's got me dancing on the ceiling. She's got my endless love." and "We'll be hearing from her all night long." Cheesy, but I got it.
It seems that about half the performances were either good or bearable and the other half kept me begging for Cpt. Morgan.
posted by John at 8:31 AM
3 Comments:
Great review! I agree about Blackeyed Peas, Monkey Business is a great CD.
I just can't do music awards things anymore. I'm sorry to anyone who likes it, but I cringe at pop and hip hop and rap. I vomit at almost ALL bluegrass, except for a very meager few songs. Country - I can usually handle. Especially old country. But I really do like Faith and Tim. They are like magic together and both just as magical when singing solo. Keith Urban makes me wet. I'm not a huge fan of his music, but I like looking at him.
I get discouraged with most music awards now, as the majority of the heavy stuff I like gets overlooked. Even the heavy stuff that almost comingles with pop-ish stuff. I'll start watching awards shows again when Tool, Deftones, Chevelle or Audioslave/Chris Cornell win big ones.
As for live performances, country musicians are by far the best live performers. Hands down. I've seen many groups/singers live in the last 20 years and all the best shows have been country singers. Except for KISS. If you ever have the opportunity to see them live, they put on one hell of a show. But, as well as Gene and Paul can still sing, it's their actual show that is the best - singing and music-wise, country. Vince Gil is excellent live. Travis Tritt and Marty Stuart are beyond awesome. Not to mention cute as puppies.
Gwen hasn't left NO Doubt...just taken a break to do a solo project. She is doing quite a lot of rap crap lately! I hate that Pharrell song....you got it like that??? stupid!
I even am kind of icked out by luxurious....what is the deal with all the blackness....last time I checked she was a white girl from the OC
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